The Lord's lovingkindnesses indeed never cease,
For His compassions never fail.
They are new every morning;
Great is Your faithfulness.
Lamentations 3:22-23 NASB
I typed the Scripture above because I've included them in every Our Journey post. I'm having a hard time believing them, but there they are. The words sit there on my screen. He is faithful. Another verse comes to mind, and I cling to it...
If we are faithless, He remains faithful,
for He cannot deny Himself.
2 Timothy 2:13 NASB
We were beginning to see the lighted path before us, we were walking, working hard, making plans to get out of the hole in which we find ourselves after three years' struggle, and now this.
The Broken Path
Tuesday night, after my walk in the woods, after the peace and the determination and #threewords and the hope of recovery, Fernando called.
"Are you sitting down?"
He would not be finishing this job. He would fly home Wednesday morning from Dallas. This leg of our journey was over.
Details aren't appropriate here, but I spent a restless night, Fernando a sleepless one. He caught a flight to Midway; I struggled out of bed, drove to the airport, sat numbly at the waiting lot, got his text, picked him up, and drove him home. Half an hour later I left for work.
What path is this? Where are we headed now? I'm at a loss. I don't know.
What we thought was the road, is no longer. There isn't just a tree trunk across it, blocking the way. It's a dead end. A cliff. It now leads nowhere. And I don't know where to go, turn around, turn aside, wait. It is all darkness and uncertainty, and it takes all my strength to stand there, to keep my eyes open and breathe.
Back at my favorite spot, the yellows have appeared, not quite at full brilliance but they're there. I've captured it with my camera at least, to look at later, to close my eyes and remember. This is what He wanted me to see--His faithfulness, leading us through. I can't see it yet. Some day I'll look back and I'll be able to see it. But not yet, not now, not with these eyes.
My faith is small, insignificant. But He is faithful; it's there in black and white in those words, His words, His Word. He is faithful because that's who He is. I have no idea what He's doing, where He's leading us. The whys hang there, big black words in my head floating around.
Even so, I cry out to Him, I trust You. I don't know what You're doing, why You're doing it. I hurt, Lord. I trust You, though. You're my Father and You're completely trustworthy. You'll lead us to that green meadow, where I can rest and be at peace. But right now I just hurt.
My shaken faith; faith which is the evidence of things not seen, and I'm blind right now. I can't see. I know I'm His, but faith? Yet I will trust Him. It's all I have.
Broken road, broken heart, and trying to breathe...
Read previous segments here:
The Phone Call
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