I had three days in a row off from work! Today, Monday, was the second day, and I had just the morning with Fernando. I ran errands with him, since I'll take whatever time I can get with him.
Meanwhile, Thomas (no longer in school!) received a special delivery for the mechanic's tools he purchased.
His tool box arrived! This is just a little bigger than your average tool box. :)
Before Fernando left, I took his picture, and he took mine.
I like to take the photos of me and post them on Facebook throughout Fernando's travel time, so he has fresh pictures of me to look at; plus, it's a sweet reminder that I love him and that I'm committed to #threewords (whatever it takes) for us.
And he left, on this beautiful blue-skied day, headed down south to Texas.
Right after Thomas' graduation, Fernando left for a job. He came home late, late Saturday night (early this morning, really), because there would be two trucks in our driveway.
Meet the trucks--Rachel (Red) and Wendy (White).
My quirky names for these trucks continues; this was my first meeting with White, and I took a few simple photos then let Fernando and N. do their thing with the trucks.
We lined up our cars in front of our house so the guys could park the trucks in the driveway.
After an afternoon of work, we splurged for Nancy's Pizza and had N. join us. Fernando and I shared the evening together, because he'll be leaving tomorrow morning--hence the Blue part of my blog post title. :)
When you have just half a day, you make the most of it. We finally felt better, so our double celebration (our anniversary and my birthday) became reality a few weeks after the fact.
Our server at Fogo de Chao (Brazilian steakhouse) was so sweet, and offered to take our picture for us. They even gave us complimentary desserts for the double celebration!
We really did have to get back home. Work was calling and Fernando had to go.
I've created a hashtag for Fernando and me: #threewords. It's not I love you, although that's always said and understood. It's something our friend Marc told us a few years back: Whatever it takes. That's what we need to do--whatever it takes to make this life work. I'll do whatever it takes to help Fernando be successful. Fernando will do whatever it takes to be successful. We will both do #threewords to make this new life work.
It's a lot of goodbyes and kiss me before you leave, of his being lonely and my trying to figure out home life on my own. But it's #threewords and we're willing to do it. So here we go...
Well, we've thrown in our lot. Fernando is committed to learning what he needs to learn, committed to mastering this truck, committed to this company.
He turned down a job offer last week; it would've paid slightly more, but this is what he loves--this industry he has poured over two decades of his life into. We thought about what future we wanted, and where he is now seems it will afford us the place we see ourselves down the road. So we threw in our lot, and here we are.
News happens, and it happened today so he's off to North Dakota.
Well, summer is officially over for us--Fernando is back on the road, and it looks like he'll be busy, with sports (college is back in session!) and news (the elections are coming!).
I work four days a week at my job, so I will be busy myself. With so little free time, gardening was hard this summer. I'm going to be reevaluating things as I continue to work, and hopefully will find time to dedicate to the things about which I'm passionate.
Bye, my sweet hubby, and I'll see you again soon. I know you're working hard for us, and you'll always have my love.
Fernando left today on a job. He's working so hard for us!
I miss him, but it's okay. I know he has our best interests at heart, and he's doing what the Lord has put in front of him. He belongs to Him, and I belong to Him. And it's all okay. I'll see him soon.
Though I won't share details publicly through my blog, our hope of permanent employment for Fernando has yet again been put on hold. Hope and anticipation were tossed about in unexpected waves rushing toward us, tumbling onto our shores. It's so hard to hold on to Him, to hope and have faith, but so much inside my heart cries out that He is true, His plans are always good, He knows my heart, and He owns my life. I am compelled to trust, when everything around me says otherwise.
Two of the girls in my driveway.
No matter the circumstances, His Spirit compels me--to trust, to hope, to sing. When my trust wavers, He is faithful. When my hope dims, His light shines. When my song falters, His Spirit cries out in my heart.
Pink beard-tongue, a pretty flower that steadfastly grows, year after year.
I discovered a new hymn recently, thanks to a dear friend, Debbie. She texted me last Sunday morning and suggested I look up a familiar hymn that had blessed her that very morning--My Father's World. That prompted a YouTube search, and a discovery of some hymns by an artist I'm already familiar with. And in searching her songs, I found this hymn I had never heard before.
And, although I'd rather cry yet again, I'd rather despair once more, I'd rather toss in the towel, His Spirit compels me to sing, through my tears, through my doubt. Please listen, and read the words, and sing (and maybe cry) along with me.
A week ago, Fernando drove home in Arctek Red. I let her sit in our driveway for a few days, letting her get acclimated to our suburban home and our chilly but beautiful Chicago spring weather, before I went out to greet her and introduce myself.
Before I go any further, I do want to give you a caveat: I am whimsical. Although I treat these satellite trucks as though they have personalities (which they do, believe me--why do so many people name their cars, right?), and although my words here may sound "spiritual," and my actions like a spiritual exercise, they are not. It is pure whimsy on my part. My faith is in God, and it rests solidly there. I simply enjoy being quirky as the Lord brings these trucks into our lives--for a blessing, both for us and for Arctek. That's said, I'll type on now...
So far, I've named these trucks after girls--Penelope (Purple), Sandy (Cyan). Before I went outside to get to know this new truck, I thought it might be a guy; after all, Fernando did tell me that the odometer is 500,000+ miles and it seemed to me this truck was a tough fighter (not that girls aren't, but it's what I thought). So this beauty has definitely seen some road and a lot of life. As I got to know her, though, I realized that she was classy and beautiful, and needed a name to reflect that. Red Rover, although playful, wouldn't do.
The blue painted swoosh of her logo was peeling, hinting at her age. That reminded me of my own self, even though I feel 23 at heart! Fernando says I'm a Jaguar convertible--classy and playful, sleek and beautiful and fun. I can definitely relate to this beauty of a vehicle.
I walked around this truck, putting my hand on her side every now and then and thanking the Lord for her presence in our driveway. I thanked the Lord for a new path, the opportunity to get to know this truck whether or not I get to drive her (Fernando says she gets interesting between 50-60mph--a shake, a shimmy, then she smooths out).
This isn't home for her, obviously, but I hope she'll enjoy her time with us. Whether I get to meet all of Arctek's trucks or not, I'm grateful to have this one, Red, in our driveway. I'm thankful she came to visit, and however long she's here, I'll think of Him, His faithfulness, His hope borne in my heart, His future already planned for me.
By the end of our meet and greet, I knew her name was Rachel. She's a classic beauty, as I said, but with age comes experience and wisdom from miles traveled, things experienced, and sights seen.
There's a newness with Rachel's presence, and I feel new life seeping into my bones, my heart, my being. I feel the upbeat of the Spirit, bringing a lilt to my heart's music and a sparkle to my mind. It's appropriate that it's spring outside, with the newness of color, green grass and flowers, and He has brought spring to my heart. Life won't suddenly become all smiles and roses, of course, but I'm definitely going to enjoy this newness, where everything seems to come alive.
Change. No one likes it, least of all me. And, the older I get, the less I like it. But I'm here, and things are changing, and I have to walk the road. However, as a popular Christian song lyric says, There's not a place where I'll go where You've not already stood. For now, on to last week's story.
Within three days I got a job; it was a whirlwind thing, almost a whim, when I filled out the application, and then I found out my sister-at-heart had sung my praises to the store manager, and 24 hours later I was interviewed and hired. It's part-time, but for these first few weeks until the store's grand opening (Friday the 13th!), I find myself a full-time employee. Exhaustion doesn't describe it, but since I'm blogging tonight about it, you know His strength is in me!
During the same time, I found another truck in my driveway...Arctek Cyan.
Hello, Cyan!
The current driver B. drove it right to our home so Fernando could work on an amplifier that was having some issues. It was a straightforward fix, and for a day or so we hosted this sister truck in our driveway.
These trucks represent hope to me; they represent God's work in our lives, and personally in my own heart--a simple, quiet message that He is still in control, that although I'm standing on new ground, He isn't. He walked before me. He stood before me, in this very spot, at this very moment. I am not alone. Because of that, I can trust Him.
Cyan stayed with us just overnight, then B. drove her away. A few days later, Fernando flew to North Carolina to pick up Purple, then drove her home for another overnight stay--just in time to celebrate Danny's college graduation (post coming shortly!). Then, Fernando drove Purple home to Minnesota, met up with Cyan and Red, and now...
Red is here, this very minute since Fernando, having driven straight from the Minnesota meet-up, literally just walked through the door. Now, I haven't met Red yet (it is after 10:00 p.m., after all), but I'm sure Red is a guy. So, he's out in my driveway, and I'll write more about him in a few days. They don't look very different, these trucks, except maybe for the types of antenna on top. But, silly or not, they each give me a little piece of God's heart of compassion and care for me.
For now, I'm focused on trusting in Him, with the strength He gives me. Though I may not receive the answers when I ask, though I may not see the path I feel I need to see, I will trust Him.
Here's the song that has been a focus to my week so far, and the source of the lyrics I quoted above. This is my prayer this week.
Purple wasn't just a color. It wasn't just a scripted word on the side of a truck. It was much more than that. And now it's gone.
Let me back up a few days to last weekend, when Fernando drove Arctek Purple out west to South Dakota and NCAA women's basketball, and I drove my sweet old BMW south to a little town in southern Illinois to present two workshops at a homeschool convention. I so badly wanted to spend the time with Fernando, knowing it may be his last trip with Purple. But, he was working with his bosses and there was no room for me, and I was speaking at the convention, and plans were plans so we drove our separate ways.
My view from the road (I was stopped due to an accident).
The Lord had plans for me in Salem, and He gave me the words and the wisdom to share with moms and dads homeschooling struggling learners. I was blessed to be there, and when the day ended I left with a full heart knowing I was useful--my ever-longing desire.
Opening session of the southern Illinois homeschool convention.
I arrived home late Saturday night, Fernando arrived home even later that night, and we slept in, missing church but catching up on sleep and each other.
Comfort means peeking out and seeing Purple parked in our driveway awaiting the next job.
My hopes to accompany Fernando that afternoon on his last scheduled job with Purple were squashed when he received a request for his picture in order to create IDed credentials for the job. Security was tighter; I wouldn't get credentials. There was no last trip for me.
So, Fernando drove off on Sunday, east this time to Indianapolis, and I stayed behind and waited. His "probationary period" had ended, and permanent employment looked promising, but you know me--I'm the Show me girl, the skeptic who doesn't believe until she sees, and Fernando has become that way as well these past few years. We would both have to wait this time.
Fernando came back late, late Monday night, then on Tuesday, proceeded to work on one of the wings of the satellite dish which had an issue. Talk went back and forth about driving Purple to North Carolina to the dish manufacturer for diagnosis and repair; Purple didn't have any jobs scheduled until later in May so there would be enough time to do this.
Fernando also sent an FYI text to his bosses that he was scheduled for jury duty next week, just in case a repair trip might be considered. Then, Fernando ran an errand and came home in what I thought was enough time to have completed it. But not.
He had gotten a call from S., who wanted him to drive Purple this week to NC--best to get it taken care of before the schedule became busy. Within an hour, Fernando had cleared out his stuff, gotten Purple ready to fly, so to speak, and was ready to get on the road.
Being who I am, I took a few last pictures of the truck; I asked Fernando to take one of me with her--she was, after all, the vehicle through which I had my first paying job (besides my photography) in a long time. Yeah, pardon that pun!
Fernando climbed up into the driver's seat, I snapped a picture, and he looked down and said, "Don't cry."
He never says that to me. But he knew what Purple meant to me--secure and steady--and as long as she was in our driveway, we had income, and I was secure and steady.
I laughed and responded, "Yeah, I'll cry after I'm inside. It's okay."
And he drove away.
Once more, I stood on the edge of the abyss, that dark unknown. Where trust had run ahead to dream of plans and adventures in future months, trust now backed my heart way down, to today. Just today. Trust Him for today.
We've had quite the journey, and I would never have believed you if you had come to me three years ago and told me this is where we'd be today.
Just when I was breathing fully again, I now stand here at the dark edge, neither ready nor willing to stand here. Yet stand I must, because forward is the only way. Because there is not a place I'll go where He hasn't already stood.
For right now, though, tears. Just a few, choked up, then swallowed, knowing He is in control, He holds my future, He knows the way, and He holds me. Though I won't wallow in fear, or panic, and though I will trust, knowing that He'll plant me again in another place and He'll let my roots run deep and my tree grow tall, for right now, this moment, I just need to be.
I stumbled across this song a few weeks ago; it touched me then, and it's my heart-cry today.
As March marched toward its last day (couldn't resist that), I waved goodbye to Fernando, who headed west to South Dakota, and I began a week full of activity. It was good to be home for a solid length of time, to stay in one place, to be there, all there, as my guys came in and out and lived their lives and shared them with me.
Fernando left for South Dakota.
Right off the bat, in a raid on my freezer to figure out what to cook, I found the carcass from our Thanksgiving turkey--my mom had given it to me to throw in the freezer since we were leaving the next day for California to be with Fernando's family at his aunt's death. The carcass came out, along with fixings for that day's meal.
Thanksgiving turkey carcass, simmering on the stove overnight.
I cut up the turkey and strained the broth, to be turned into turkey and gravy for Hawaiian haystacks (I think I'll post that recipe soon).
It has been invigorating to be in the kitchen cooking again, and I made another family favorite last week--Tortellini and Spinach Soup.
I spent a chilly, hand-numbing afternoon at the Morton Arboretum with a sweet young lady friend, walking, spotting signs of spring, stopping, taking pictures, talking. I love that Miss S loves "going deep" in our conversations; we fall into it naturally, and even though we talk about lighthearted subjects too, we have some intense conversations--discussing, sharing opinions, being open and honest, affirming.
Soon this field will be covered with daffodils!
It snowed one afternoon. I guess March is going out like a lion.
I tried taking a selfie to show off my new glasses. I love my guys.
More baking ensued, with two new recipes to be blogged soon--Irish soda bread, and honey-cinnamon butter. Comfort food, indeed!
Ice cream--eaten from the carton--was also on the end-of-March agenda; a Friday night, missing Fernando but still comfortable and at peace at home. The carton called my name, and I answered. There wasn't much left, anyway.
Danny made an "appointment" to get his hair cut; I hope he pays me!
Yet another new recipe, thanks to Miss S and her family--beef stroganoff. Hoo-boy, those mushrooms! I loved it. Half the guys picked them out, so this will be a meal for Fernando and me; they'll have to fend for themselves the next time I make it.
Thomas took my picture on Easter Sunday, and I texted it to Fernando, who was still covering NCAA women's basketball in South Dakota. We shared a casual Easter afternoon with Dad and Mom, minus Fernando and Jake, who had to work, plus my brother Jeff.
The end of March turned into New Recipe Month, with the addition of these lemon cheesecake crumb bars for Easter dessert. If you love lemon half as much as I do, you'll love these. Yeah, the recipe will come soon!
Random picture of a trip to Trader Joe's for fruit, veggies, and a few other items...
Another random picture, this time of my parents' family room as I waited for them to return so I could act as Computer Tech Girl for them. I love knowing just enough to be able to solve computer problems for them. It makes me feel smart.
Finally, Danny and I brought the Suburban in to the shop to see if they could fix the driver's seat. I hadn't driven it in months, because the seat got stuck in the far back position and wouldn't move forward. Thus, I couldn't reach the pedals, and couldn't drive it. #shortpeopleproblems
I had to drive the BMW exclusively. Woo-hoo!
Lo and behold, the technician removed "items" from the track of the seat, and it miraculously works again. We elected not to have the passenger airbag serviced, since the car is so old. We like to call that warning light in the photo the Don't drive with beachballs warning light. It's still lit, and I think of sun, sand, and waves crashing on the shore whenever I turn on the ignition.
That's our end of March, and we now wait for warmer weather (still not happening yet--how about 50s even?) and look ahead to what God has in store for us for April. But that's a post for tomorrow.
